Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
