One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
