you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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