Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize