I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
