the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize