paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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