Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
