drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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