TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
