ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
