we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
