I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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