I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
