No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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