Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
