he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize