i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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