I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize