its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
