people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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