when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
