1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
