the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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