Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
