In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
