her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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