dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
