yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
