you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
