Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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