I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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