That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
