the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's like iHOP with fire
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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