Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
