when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
