I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
