Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
