It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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