He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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