why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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