I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
