I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
