I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
