i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
