I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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