AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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