I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How's work?
Spinning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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