She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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