Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
