just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
