Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
