I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize