i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
