I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
