She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
