I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
