doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
