Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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