I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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