haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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