I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
