somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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