Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Small penises have feelings too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
