You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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