can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize