Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
