How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
