Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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