remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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