If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
