FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
