I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
