Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
