So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
