we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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