Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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