It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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