So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
