he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
