Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
