I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
