I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
