I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She bit a glass in half.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
