Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
