Someone shit on the floor
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
