If i could tip my vagina, i would.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
