you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
