My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
