that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize