U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
