You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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