so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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